Sonnettics

I heard you leave before you said goodbye
I didn’t want to write this, but I must
Your jealous heart could never tell me why
you stayed with him in words that I could trust
Your accusations fill me with despair
My memories of you are turning cold
Your words were once a warmth you used to share
You act like love is something that you sold
Goodbye, I hope you know I’m always here
in case you change your mind and want to try
to find your love for me again, my dear
Or wipe my tears away, I have to cry
I cry because my heart is broke in two
The heart I filled with love that came from you.

I missed a chance with Monica, I fear
to touch her hand, to kiss, to hold her near
I wonder why I let myself be weak?
I still remember dancing cheek to cheek.
She drove me home, but home was empty, dark
and Monica had eyes that held a spark
And now I think of Monica and me
and tell myself that what will be, will be.
I’m just a fool who should have felt her skin
her warmth, her comfort, comfortably within
I heard her voice today, she sounded well
I wonder if she knows, or can she tell
that I believe my chance is not yet dead
and I would love to be with her in bed.

I didn’t feel the blood escape my shell
I didn’t feel my foot fall nearly off
on April twenty ninth I was in hell
A Fairfax road became a grisly trough
An angel came and cradled me beside
the road which tore my flesh and broke my bones
She looked at me; I’m sure she must have cried
like anywhere that lives become unknowns
A helicopter came,like sent from god
They tied me in and flew me to a nest
and as I rested they repaired my bod
I woke to friends rejoicing by my bed
and wondered if those absent thought me dead

She knows it burns my heart.  She doesn’t care;
she’s got to keep her own from catching fire,
compelled to chase her mind most anywhere
her therapist directs her, but desire.
When wet was sultry, nothing was enough
to quench her thirst or sate her flesh, her flame.
She liked it hot and hard and sometimes rough.
She liked to wreck her throat to scream my name.
But wet has gotten cold; the sheets are ice.
She says her shrink assures her its the way
to heal whatever wound she suffered. Nice.
She’s finally found a whore who makes her pay.
The price, besides her tab, is just her soul,
extinguished for a sense of false control.

I know that what I am is all I need
My ears can hear your voice, my mouth can kiss
They tried to kill me; they did not succeed
I’ve felt your love; I’ve felt too much of bliss
They gave me pain, but I choose not to feel
the wasted ends of nerves; I choose to touch
my skin to yours because I know it’s real
and nothing that you give me is too much
I know that what you are is all I need
Your kiss upon my lips is more than life
and everything that follows that one deed
erases everything that causes strife
I live because you love me, this I know
My life is yours to guide; I want to go.

You took me for a run; I fell in love
with everything you gave to me and still
the strength you gave is what I’m thinking of
you gave it as I watched you stride uphill
You taught me how to live when life is hard
I almost died but then I felt you near
I broke some bones; my ankle’s skin is scarred
I feel alone and “god!” I want you here
I’m healing slowly so that I’m complete
I’ll only promise what I know is true
Exhausted. Will you drive me home my friend?
The way we started might be how we end.

I miss your love, it never went away
But I became unmade beyond my choice
My life became a darker shade of gray
which justified the contours of my voice
I miss your love, the way it makes me feel
above the simple words I seem to find
within the empty thoughts I thought were real
which fill the empty corners of my mind.
I’m missing you: your touch, your voice, your care
I miss the way we held each other tight
and nothing that I know of can compare
to having you, your beauty, in my sight
My world has changed; I miss your love, my dear
I’ll change my world again to have you near.

I hear you waiting for your phone to ring
to listen to the voice your phone will bring
I think of you alone; it breaks my heart
The voice upon your phone may be a start
of breaking chains that keep you where you are
of sounding near with words that come from far
across the time and distance, words for you
like something warm when you are cold or blue
I hear your warmth when you converse at last
When words are yours and you produce them fast
I’m waiting for your warmth, your words, your love
for everything that you convince me of
I love your truth, your beauty, I will be
for you what you have always been for me.

I can’t avoid my mind; it finds a way
to focus on the things I want to do
The things I want to do have slipped away
I hope you know I want to be with you
My mind is focused now on holding tight
to love so that it will not slip away
I saw you holding love as well, we might
hold on to one another; love will stay
because I love you and you love me too.
Our feet are planted where they’ll stand with strength
I can’t avoid my heart; my heart is true
and I will hold your love for any length
of time. You lift me up when I am low
Your arms are where I want to slip, to go.

I need to find a metaphor of this
predicament of longing for a kiss
I need to know why longing’s not fulfilled
If kisses are all milk, they’ve all been spilled
I’m useless every day; I sit and cry
My tears are cream, but they do not supply
the sustenance or nourishment I need
I’ve eaten meat and thought that I was freed
from infant’s food because I am a man
who tastes of life in everything I can
There’s milk still on my lips, a drop or two
delicious milk; I got the milk from you
You gave me meat as well, the milk was best
because you gave it warmly, from your breast.