Sonnettics

I miss your love, it never went away
But I became unmade beyond my choice
My life became a darker shade of gray
which justified the contours of my voice
I miss your love, the way it makes me feel
above the simple words I seem to find
within the empty thoughts I thought were real
which fill the empty corners of my mind.
I’m missing you: your touch, your voice, your care
I miss the way we held each other tight
and nothing that I know of can compare
to having you, your beauty, in my sight
My world has changed; I miss your love, my dear
I’ll change my world again to have you near.

I hear you waiting for your phone to ring
to listen to the voice your phone will bring
I think of you alone; it breaks my heart
The voice upon your phone may be a start
of breaking chains that keep you where you are
of sounding near with words that come from far
across the time and distance, words for you
like something warm when you are cold or blue
I hear your warmth when you converse at last
When words are yours and you produce them fast
I’m waiting for your warmth, your words, your love
for everything that you convince me of
I love your truth, your beauty, I will be
for you what you have always been for me.

I can’t avoid my mind; it finds a way
to focus on the things I want to do
The things I want to do have slipped away
I hope you know I want to be with you
My mind is focused now on holding tight
to love so that it will not slip away
I saw you holding love as well, we might
hold on to one another; love will stay
because I love you and you love me too.
Our feet are planted where they’ll stand with strength
I can’t avoid my heart; my heart is true
and I will hold your love for any length
of time. You lift me up when I am low
Your arms are where I want to slip, to go.

I need to find a metaphor of this
predicament of longing for a kiss
I need to know why longing’s not fulfilled
If kisses are all milk, they’ve all been spilled
I’m useless every day; I sit and cry
My tears are cream, but they do not supply
the sustenance or nourishment I need
I’ve eaten meat and thought that I was freed
from infant’s food because I am a man
who tastes of life in everything I can
There’s milk still on my lips, a drop or two
delicious milk; I got the milk from you
You gave me meat as well, the milk was best
because you gave it warmly, from your breast.

I never died, but I have been too near
to death, but death is not a thing I fear
I fear a life devoid of love and light
It’s why I dream of you, dear, in the night
Your light provides a guide to bring me back
when I am lost in nights of dakest black
I saw you standing once, beneath the moon
I walked away; I know I left too soon.
You shined upon the porch; I’m sure you cried.
I should have let your beauty be my guide
I sleep, I close my eyes, I dream of you
Your light protects my spirit, we are two
And yet, we two are one; I’ve heard it said
You love me still, so how could I be dead?

It seems unreal to think that I’ve been stripped
of memories, events, some names, and loves
My brain was injured, in my skull it slipped
My neurons lost their reference “withs” and “ofs”
There’s noone on this earth who can attend
to mislocated neurons, set them right
and so at times I feel I’m left to fend
against the unmarred brains I have to fight
or argue, they don’t like it when I yell
but I don’t like it when they touch, and so
“Don’t touch me, please,” I use and often tell
the toucher that my tolerance is through
I tell them that I wore a green beret,
whose instinct comes against my chosen way.

I hate some things I’ve done; I almost died
But you should know for every one I’ve cried
I hate that I have hurt your tender heart
But you should know your love conveyed the part
beyond the medicine I took by pill
Your love was in my heart; it’s in there still
forgive me for the darkness I displayed
and holding back what should have been conveyed
what should have been conveyed by me to you
was gratitude and love, contrite and true
I have them still and never will I cease
displaying them, like you, they bring me peace
And if there’s ever more that you should need
I’ll lose myself in finishing the deed.

I died in April, ghosts were near my bed
They sounded so sincere, but they were dead
Too many ghosts said love would bring me back
Seduction was their terror, painted black
I rose one day, the ghosts were all afraid
I saw some disappear and yet some stayed
I started to believe that love was real
it lingered in the constant pain I’d feel.
I tried to live their love, but got it wrong
I tried to give my feelings like a song
But we were out of tune and so they flew
Then there was only me and then I knew
I wanted love from beauty, not from fear
I’ll gather beauty; ghosts will disappear.

Too late to sleep I search your words for love
I found one word from you to me and cried
Although my tears are too far up above
The word and everything the word implied
I’ll dissipate in love, forget my tears
They went to sleep like angels in my head
The angels in my head are sullen fears
that watch me dissipate when I am dead
When I am dead asleep I’ll eat my dreams
for sustenance that mingles with the dark
my dreams are filled with terror, filled with screams
and yet they feed my hunger with their mark
The mark of dreams has come too late for sleep
But tears and words from you are mine to keep.

I’m glad you got the treats I sent tou you
I hope you like them all, what you can do
If you don’t like the ones all colored black
Just put them in a box and send them back!
Or ask your friends if any of them like
black licorice. I had a friend named Mike
who loved to eat black licorice all day
Feel free to give the black ones all away!
Then tell me what your favorites are so I
can get them for you both next time I buy
some candy and some treats for you to share.
I’ll send some more at Christmas. They’ll be there!
I like it when you’re happy, when you’re sweet.
So I’ll be sure to send a Christmas treat!