Sonnettics

I wouldn’t take my meds; I didn’t care
The nurses worried just outside my door
My feeding tube was now no longer there
I watched them stack my meds, a bitter chore
I felt a life on meds was barely hell
I couldn’t see beyond the highest pill
I thought without the meds I’d be as well
and if I wasn’t all they’d do is kill
They brought a phone,”your pharmacist,” they said.
I pressed the phone against my aching head
“You trust me Scott? You love me Scott?” “I do”
“Please take the meds. It’s what I want from you.”
and so I took the meds from Mari’s care,
then cried because she loves me everywhere.

Her sweetness can be tasted in her voice
The tones release each nuance. She is more
than I imagined choosing, but the choice
of Mari is a vintage I would pour
in nothing less than crystal. Then I’d drink
my Mari til I filled my sober soul.
I love the way her presence makes me think
and softens me, my Mari is my goal.
She likes to drink her wine with me, but I
prefer to have my Mari on my tongue.
Like Riesling, she is sweet and isn’t dry.
Like roses, she is beautiful and young.
I think of her like flowers and like wine.
I think of her as Mari and as mine.

I long to sleep, to dream the dreams of you
I long to sleep with you to share my dreams
My sleep of death brought dreams I never knew
I wake within a fantasy, it seems
Your body is too far away to touch
Your lips too far away to feel my kiss
I want to dream, but fear I dream too much
I want to be awake with you like this:
Like once upon a time I called your name
Like once upon a time I felt your skin
I called you, deep in love, and then you came
I felt you when you came; I came within
your life. I’m glad you let me come inside.
My love for you is nothing I can hide.

We trained together; both of us were strong
We loved each other; both of us were true
My body broke when something happened wrong
My Love was sad; my Love was more than blue
She came to me and cared for me through tears
She gave her strength to me, a broken man
She calmed my soul and silenced all my fears
We bonded in a way we didn’t plan
I still can feel her presence in my heart
Her voice is still a treasure that I hear
It brings us close when we are far apart
It tells me that her love is ever near
This bond we share for life, created thus
I love my Mari; she is half of “Us.”

I heard you leave before you said goodbye
I didn’t want to write this, but I must
Your jealous heart could never tell me why
you stayed with him in words that I could trust
Your accusations fill me with despair
My memories of you are turning cold
Your words were once a warmth you used to share
You act like love is something that you sold
Goodbye, I hope you know I’m always here
in case you change your mind and want to try
to find your love for me again, my dear
Or wipe my tears away, I have to cry
I cry because my heart is broke in two
The heart I filled with love that came from you.

I missed a chance with Monica, I fear
to touch her hand, to kiss, to hold her near
I wonder why I let myself be weak?
I still remember dancing cheek to cheek.
She drove me home, but home was empty, dark
and Monica had eyes that held a spark
And now I think of Monica and me
and tell myself that what will be, will be.
I’m just a fool who should have felt her skin
her warmth, her comfort, comfortably within
I heard her voice today, she sounded well
I wonder if she knows, or can she tell
that I believe my chance is not yet dead
and I would love to be with her in bed.

I didn’t feel the blood escape my shell
I didn’t feel my foot fall nearly off
on April twenty ninth I was in hell
A Fairfax road became a grisly trough
An angel came and cradled me beside
the road which tore my flesh and broke my bones
She looked at me; I’m sure she must have cried
like anywhere that lives become unknowns
A helicopter came,like sent from god
They tied me in and flew me to a nest
and as I rested they repaired my bod
I woke to friends rejoicing by my bed
and wondered if those absent thought me dead

She knows it burns my heart.  She doesn’t care;
she’s got to keep her own from catching fire,
compelled to chase her mind most anywhere
her therapist directs her, but desire.
When wet was sultry, nothing was enough
to quench her thirst or sate her flesh, her flame.
She liked it hot and hard and sometimes rough.
She liked to wreck her throat to scream my name.
But wet has gotten cold; the sheets are ice.
She says her shrink assures her its the way
to heal whatever wound she suffered. Nice.
She’s finally found a whore who makes her pay.
The price, besides her tab, is just her soul,
extinguished for a sense of false control.

I know that what I am is all I need
My ears can hear your voice, my mouth can kiss
They tried to kill me; they did not succeed
I’ve felt your love; I’ve felt too much of bliss
They gave me pain, but I choose not to feel
the wasted ends of nerves; I choose to touch
my skin to yours because I know it’s real
and nothing that you give me is too much
I know that what you are is all I need
Your kiss upon my lips is more than life
and everything that follows that one deed
erases everything that causes strife
I live because you love me, this I know
My life is yours to guide; I want to go.

You took me for a run; I fell in love
with everything you gave to me and still
the strength you gave is what I’m thinking of
you gave it as I watched you stride uphill
You taught me how to live when life is hard
I almost died but then I felt you near
I broke some bones; my ankle’s skin is scarred
I feel alone and “god!” I want you here
I’m healing slowly so that I’m complete
I’ll only promise what I know is true
Exhausted. Will you drive me home my friend?
The way we started might be how we end.