Sonnettics

I broke her heart then swore to keep mine whole
She must have been as angry as a bee
Smoked from her honey, she flew round my soul
And thus encircled hate for god to see
There was a plan, she landed on my head
I laughed as god raised wood to smash her flat
I couldn’t care if she could sting; she’s dead
I thought as god took aim and swung his bat
Crack went the wood and squish became her sound
Squirming and cracking jostled through my brain
I felt the neurons shift as I turned round
I felt the neurons loose their hold for pain
Breaking her heart was just a thing I do
But in her wrath, she broke my love in two.

Unbalanced, I can feel my mind get light
I sculpt myself surreal each time I wake
I hear the sound of chips, both wrong and right
And hope the hammered chisel will not break
If I should strike a diamond, it would be
Analogous to nothing but my heart
On either side my lungs could set me free
The diamond will not break, it holds my art
I only need to let my lungs reveal
the knowledge of the beauty they have felt
By breathing and by centering I’ll feel
myself the way I was before life dealt
a shitty hand by injuring my brain
I’ll feel my peace and calm; I won’t feel pain.

Our bond is perseverance, like the strength
a runner brings to bear in any race
Especially the marathon, its length
requires a steady heart, a constant pace
Our steadiness and constancy is this:
A marathon will end, but not our love
My perseverance tastes just like your kiss
and yours is what I’m always thinking of
We’ve run together, through the coldest storm
You gave me cause to persevere so long
and then you pulled me close and made me warm
and then I knew my love for you was strong
We’ve persevered through injury and pain
Our love has persevered and will remain.

She told me when I died, that I would live
My death had been a farcical mistake
Omnipotence had slipped; I must forgive
Or did I want a choice to freely make?
I chose the choice and faced another crux
Could I forgive Omnipotence my death?
Can bicycles survive unswerving trucks?
They can’t survive and neither can my breath
when lungs are filled with blood and little air
I held my breath, the blood, forgiveness too
I never plan to choke to prove I care
If you were me I wonder what you’d do?
Omnipotence is not concerned with grace
I never want what power can replace.

She threw me in this dumpster when I cried
I didn’t mean to make Her life a waste
I struck my head, and yes, I nearly died
But if a baby died, He’d be disgraced
Nobody came, although my voice was loud
When I was quiet no one came as well
God is the Word, so I must be in Hell
When I was hungry, She would put Her flesh
into my mouth and milk would come from it
Bread is okay, but only when it’s fresh
Given a choice, I’d rather gnaw Her tit
Naked I came into this garbage can
Naked I’ll leave when I become a man.

It’s not my face I see; my soul is cracked
but What the hell?! nobody looks that good
I’m in retreat; my heart has been attacked
and yet it functions like I guess it should
No coated glass will ever tell me shit!
Nobody’s eyes reflect the way I feel
A sliver or a shard will shine, will fit
will serve to show I’m also made of steel
And yet there’s doubt; the fog is made of tears
There’s always doubt in everything I see
What’s liquid and what’s solid disappears
Their vapors will become reality.
From where I stand, the light is hard and cruel
And there, in front of me, I see a fool.

She stands and sings; her mouth is like a drink
Her voice is low and sexy, must be aimed
at someone who put money on the brink
And if I’m not seduced, I will be maimed
by falling in the parking lot I guess
She’ll say she likes my kiss and likes it more
I’ll kiss her once again and wish her dress
was always pure and white. I might implore
her ladyship to come, descend her throne
My body’s bruised and wants to feel her skin
I’m by myself, but I am not alone;
My brain has memories of her within
I’m not a fool, I’d call her “angel” too
Though black and white, I know her eyes are blue.

The force of fate is just a force of joy
The force of joy is water on the sand
The waves all ebb and flow as they destroy
the majesty of castles built by hand
The metaphors are mixed in god’s reply
to man, who thinks his image is divine
They sink like seaweed as the foam drifts by
reminding men of vinegar and wine
The bitterness of death is sometimes sweet
like similes of angels earning wings
or bread, symbolic flesh the righteous eat
The force of fate can justify such things
To justify my life I’ll call on fate
to force my joy while solemnly I wait.

My god, I saw forever in a flash
I only closed my eyes to try and sleep
Omniscience grabbed my mind and made it crash
erased my thoughts and only let me keep
perceptions of the present and a few
emotions and a fewer memories
The sharpest of them both combine and you
are in my cloudy thoughts. If I could seize
one thing from all the clutter in my brain
I have no doubt I’d take my lover’s hand
and tell her.”You’re my lover.” I’m insane
I think I know exactly where I stand
I have to let you know; I love you still
Regardless of your words, I always will.

Each night I chase the clock until I sleep
The Oxycodone, Ambien combine
to strip the vital neurons I would keep
to walk upright and in a straighter line
than those I walk when meds possess my soul
I try to read, but words must be defined
and so I write; four sonnets is my goal
My verses prove my spirit’s not inclined
to praise or be above the shit you’ll read
“Go fuck yourself,” it sounds just like applause
Such actions will release you; you’ll be freed
You’ll wander to another stage and cause
my meds to lose their potency; awake
I’ll wander, lost forever, and I’ll make

the words within the stanzas of my song
The words, you wanted nothing of their dues
If I can write, my words will all be wrong
And all my words will serve to coat, abuse
the readers who will fall asleep and read
The sleepers who will read and close their eyes
The management of poetry is speed
with words that only serve to compromise.